Cold feet are often taken as a no-good, very-bad sign that you should run as fast and far from your impending marriage as your feet (or car) will take you. But according to our experts, not all cold feet are signs your relationship is doomed. In fact, some, like these six, are perfectly normal.
- THAT GUY IS SUPER CUTE
Until now, you’ve only had eyes for your significant other. But as the wedding day approaches, you find yourself attracted to other people. “Marriage is a big step, and it’s normal to start noticing ways your single life is coming to an end,” says Lesli Doares, marriage coach and author of Blueprint For A Lasting Marriage, including noticing the men and women you can no longer date. But this cold-feet sign, Doares says, could be nothing more than primal instincts kicking in. “As my husband and I say to each other, ‘we’re married, not dead,'” she laughs. View our complete list of celebrity-approved honeymoon destinations.
- IF WE FIGHT OVER WEDDING PLANNING, WE’LL PROBABLY FIGHT OVER EVERYTHING
According to Toni Coleman, psychotherapist and relationship coach, overreacting to wedding-related squabbles can lead couples to believe that won’t be able to handle the bigger curveballs life throws their way. “Planning a wedding involves many logistics, large sums of money, compromises due to family — and the couple is supposed to get it just right,” she says. It’s not exactly easy, nor is it necessarily a red flag if you argue along the way. Instead of giving in to this cold feet conundrum, “raise any concerns and ask your partner to work with you,” Coleman says. “This will help you build those conflict resolution skills you will need later.”
- HAS HE ALWAYS BEEN THIS ANNOYING?
Your soon-to-be husband has a habit of leaving his dirty socks beside the hamper, and a sarcastic sense of humor that is seriously getting under your skin. But even though it feels like it, you’re not seeing his annoying behaviors for the first time. “It isn’t that those habits haven’t been there before,” Doares says. “It’s just that the anxiety of this big life change puts them front and center. It’s your brain’s way of saying pay attention, and make sure there isn’t a deal breaker in there somewhere.” View the top thirty mistakes every wedding guests makes.
- THESE NIGHTMARES CAN’T BE A GOOD SIGN
Missing hours of Z’s is enough to make anyone question her impending marriage. Add in nightmares, and it can feel as if your feet will never warm by the wedding day. But, “big change creates big stress, which often plays out physically,” Doares explains. “The brain uses sleep to process information and there is a lot to process about marriage. Your hopes and fears about this new stage of your life may be kept at bay during the day, but make appearances in your dreams.” It’s important to remember, though, that while having nightmares is never fun, “they usually don’t reflect your actual feelings or desires,” Doares says. View our complete list of the best white dress looks from the red carpet.
- DID WE DO THIS TOO QUICKLY?
If you’re feeling pressure from family and friends that you’re headed for the altar too fast, you may be questioning your decision. But, “other people aren’t inside your relationship and don’t know what you know,” says Coleman. “There is no right amount of time that will determine a relationship’s success or failure. Couples who feel confident and committed [but have been together for shorter periods of time] have just as good of a chance of success as those who have been together a long time — maybe even better.”
- I DON’T EVER WANT SEX AGAIN
If you’re losing your sex drive before the big day, we can almost promise you’ll get it back before long. “The time before a wedding is rarely calm,” says Doares. “You have a lot to do in addition to your normal daily activities, and being tired, overwhelmed, and stressed is not exactly conducive to being frisky.” Don’t add stress by convincing yourself this cold-feet sign is anything more than life takings its temporary toll on your libido, Doares recommends, and consider going without sex on your wedding night. “High expectations around wedding-night sex just adds to the stress and a lower libido,” she says. View our complete list of the most iconic celebrity brides of all time